I just finished lunch with my ex-boyfriend from college/post-college at Bossa Nova.
We were friends for years before we actually dated, and it just occurred to me that one of the first meals we had together as a couple was The Bossa Salad. If I recall I was studying for a test so he brought me his favorite salad before I had to burn the midnight oil.
Truth be told, I still love him and the salad.
Although I always knew we would never get back together, I still refer to him as the love of my life. (Don’t get upset, I haven’t given up on “The One.”) He was my first true love, and we were such amazing friends. During my move to NYC, I found printed emails we exchanged while I was studying abroad. He knew me better than I knew myself and adored me despite my faults. He made me laugh til it hurt. You don’t find that everyday.
When we split, it was one of the most agonizing experiences for both of us. But what can I say, I was the one to blame; he was never anything but supportive and caring. (I was naive and confused.)
So today when he told me he had gotten engaged two weeks ago to a man, I was shocked! Just kidding. This story was getting a little serious. He proposed to his longtime girlfriend. I was surprised not by his proposal, but at how calm I remained. My body temperature didn’t spike, my palms didn’t clam up. Hmmm…
Do I no longer love him? Yes and no. I don’t love him in that way, but he still “has a place in my heart.” (Sorry for the cliche.) What I feel for him now is a deep respect. He is without a doubt one of the most genuine people I know, and he NEVER faltered from his one passion in life. I’ve never seen anyone work so hard, be so motivated, only to be rejected multiple times. But it only made him stronger. I’m not sure I get to say I’m proud of him since we haven’t really spoken in years. Plus I always knew he would have everything he wanted and more. I’m happy for him, truly happy.
Although he has known about my blog, he’s never visited before. After today I’m sure he will. Everything I just said above I didn’t say at lunch. But he’s the kind of guy who if I had said it, he would smile and say thank you instead of being weird. On the other hand, I think it’s nice to receive this sort of information in writing because then you can digest it however you want without the pressure of another’s eyes awaiting a response. So, now he knows and so do you. By this point in the post, I’m comforted by the fact it’s so long only those of you who care will have read it. Haha.
After all of this, there is a lesson. Well, you might see your own, but here’s mine: Adoration is easy, acceptance is a challenge, and making it work can be a battle. But if it’s the right person, love is on your side. Should you lose (in your opinion), cry and accept defeat. You won’t make the mistake again.
Final thought: He really raised the bar and will continue to be the benchmark. Shit, that bar is pretty high up there!
Always the bridesmaid…