MICHAEL KORS CATASTROPHE

maryrambin:

Oh the drama of me missing this show!::

Just kidding, but I woke up early for it and I look forward to this collection ever year. Not because the designs are revolutionary, but there’s something about the clothes….

It’s not design because MK is a true classic. It’s not the fabric which is not lucious or printed. It’s not the fit because the clothes are tailored to the models.

The clothes literally just glow.

So here’s my theory. On the runway or on a fashionista, Michael Kors radiates a classic elegance you admire for looking chic. But away from scene, on an average woman, I think MK might, just maybe, look a little like Banana Republic. No?

Julia has the finale so you can see for yourself.

Maybe you really just don't realize that sometimes when you are trying to compliment a designer you actually accomplish insulting them. You say how much you "look forward to this collection ever year" but then say that Kors is not revolutionary, not classic, poor fabric and irrelevant tailoring. You look forward to it ever year because the clothes "literally just glow".

Question: If you think "MK" is akin to Banana Republic, what are Moe bags akin to?

/me sighs.

I hereby promise to anyone who follows me on to Life On Blast… unless it’s Halloween you won’t be seeing any of us galavanting around town in tutu’s. And red tights. With moon boots. And a headband. With a bow.

I’m going to be 30 this year. It’s a little gauche, Julia.

Julia Hated This Dress Head To Toe from Mary Rambin on Vimeo.

maryrambin:

“If by different you mean hideous.” — Julia Allison on this dress.

After searching through my limited traveler’s wardrobe tonight, I couldn’t find a thing to wear (go figure). So…I went over to the Vivienne Westwood clothes I pulled for TMI and grabbed the only thing that remotely said winter - the dress Julia HATED! And hated me for choosing for her to wear.

Well, I made it work with my go-to accessories. Watch the video. Not my favorite dress, but it saved my night. This iteration isn’t more Julia either. Admittedly, a bad call for Jules on my part, but like I said, I can’t be right all the time. Let’s throw in one more cliche. Hindsight is 20/20.

This is amazing. Mary is going to work this one to death. Drag it out, hun it’s good for business.

Dark tights and boots with that? Double fail.

“Sorry, bunny”

maryrambin:

Recognize this dress? Full head to toe coming tomorrow.

Mary gives the finger on the whole dress thing.

Nice wrinkly puffs of skin under her eyes and a forehead that seems to not move at all no matter what expression she makes. If she’s a walking ad for Botox, I think I’ll pass.

Hair. Bra strap. Tag.

HOT.

“I sony lessons from you on how to be cool… tell me that part about Kenny G again…”

maryrambin:

As you can see, I revamped Megs’ dress to make it a little more camera friendly. Although I do think this look would be great for a party.

It really does look better the way the DESIGNER meant for it to be worn. Just give up.

My Go-To Accessories Head To Toe from Mary Rambin on Vimeo.

maryrambin:

A new day, a new Head to Toe…almost.::

Just like you’ve seen the H&M vest a million times, you’re probably sick of my Loehmann’s bracelet and Isaac Mizrahi boots. But I’ll tell you this much, they work well. They’ve spiced up most of my ensembles. As far as trends go, I’ve had the statement (aka chunky and fake) jewelry and ankle booties for the winter. Both were cheap and delivered every time. We all might be tired of them, but I’m not complaining.

Mary’s exact words in a fashion debate from bloggers past:

Here is some accessory insight:

Plastic, no!
I wonder what that rad Loehmann’s bracelet is made of? Plastic? Lucite?

Mary in her best lighting. And cheapest clothing.

maryrambin:

HAPPY HOPEFUL MONDAY

Does it seem like everything is on sale but it’s not on trend for your spring wardrobe? Frustrating I know.

Python bags are a big trend for spring. Talk about expensive. You know they planned this style pre-recession. But don’t fear, H&M as always is here to make you look chic for cheap.

I found this faux python bag for $25! It doesn’t attempt to look real, and it’s certainly not green. But the soft sided sac is cute and treated to be extra durable.

Forget the Beirn bags for $300+, hop into H&M and score this fab faux for -$30.

A reader sent me the following regarding this post:

Hey Scary Mary,

I’m not one who just likes to publicly hate on anybody else or tattle behind anybody’s back. But the following email exchange (copied below) had be in fumes. Please read it from the bottom up.
I can see why you hate Mary Rambin so much now. This girl has NO conscience. It is amazing that she just taped a TMI episode on being eco-friendly/sustainable but doesn’t think that not wearing animal skins like python is hypocritical??

She claims in her email that she was promoting “faux” snake-skin, but that’s not the case. She was promoting the TREND.
Apparently she read my entire post about how cruelly snakes are treated (even after I stated that I will wear the skin of whatever meat I eat — I’m not a PETA wacko)… and still didn’t give a shit!
I tried to be nice in my email. I really did, as you can see. Even information and advice dispensed politely doesn’t register with these girls.
I am using my real email address because I’ve read through your blog and think you’re a trustworthy person. I would strongly prefer if you did not use my email address, but you are more than welcome to report this incident.
I’m just really shocked at the hyprocrisy of this whole endeavor. Thought you might like to know, although I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you.
Kind Regards.


THE READERS EMAIL:

On Jan 26, 2009, ((((REDACTED)))) <((((REDACTED))))@gmail.com> wrote:
>
» Hey Mary,
»
» I enjoy your blog very much — yours might be my favorite among the
» three girls! Kudos on developing a platform to get your views out
» there.
»
» You’re an influential figure for quite a few women, so please do not
» promote python handbags. I’m no animal-rights wacko, but I do believe
» that you have to understand where your skins come from. Snakeskin, be
» it python or watersnake, is one of the cruelest skins to harvest.
» Snakes are often caught in the wild by hunters in third-world nations,
» like Indonesia. Their heads are then nailed to a tree (no, this does
» not kill them — they want the snake alive so the skin doesn’t rot for
» the next process), and water is pumped into their mouths until their
» bodies swell to three times its normal size. Their mouths are then
» sealed and the snake is left for three days for its skin to stretch.
» Can you imagine how terrible that would be to endure? This is how
» farm-raised snakes are killed as well.
»
» Whether or not you love snakes, you must agree they are living beings
» who can sense pain. I have calfskin bags, lambskin bags — anything I
» eat, I will also wear. But snakeskin requires too high a moral price
» for me to wear.
»
» I know you believe in being beautiful on the outside (and you are!),
» but please prove that you’re beautiful on the inside, too.
»
» I would appreciate if you did not post my name, but I want to thank
» you for reading this email and publishing it if you care to.
»
» Kind Regards,
»((((REDACTED))))

MARY’s REPLY:

On Mon, Jan 26, 2009, Mary Rambin wrote:
> Hi ((((REDACTED)))),
>
> I believe I was promoting faux python in the post, no?
>
> Many people have different thoughts on any type of skin in general. Each
> person has to decide for themselves what they choose to wear, eat, etc. So I
> just report the trend instead of promote. I hope you see the distinction.
>
> Thank you for your thoughtful email.
>
> Best
>
> Mary

Scary, the SAG Awards are TONIGHT, not last night. Is that why you took down this post so quickly? Or are you reconsidering your juvenile attempt at fashion writing?

That is the dress America Ferrera wore LAST YEAR. You obviously aren’t even watching the awards. You’re critiquing LAST YEARS FASHIONS! This is your “job” right? You do SO WELL at it.

And please do not think it’s okay for you to be on a first name basis with actors who have more talent in a strand of hair then you will EVER hope for.

The award for WORST ‘STYLE’ BLOGGER EVER goes to Scary Mary Rambin.

maryrambin:

FIRST LADY STYLE FILE

With all of the attention around the inauguration of our first African American president, did anyone stop to check out how stunning his little lady looked today?

US:

Little lady? Reading that made my blood boil. Sometimes I question whether or not you really are that bad and then something like this comes up.

She graduated from LAW SCHOOL. This “little lady” was University of Chicago Hospitals VICE PRESIDENT.

The couple’s 2006 income was $991,296, including her TreeHouse (she was a board member) compensation, investments and royalties from his books. Sen. Obama earned $157,082 in Senate salary last year and his wife earned $273,618 from the University of Chicago Hospitals.

You boast about reaching almost a million views per month… and still don’t understand the responsibility that comes with that. The things you say on your “blog” are making some kind of impression on modern media. God forbid young girls might look up to you and get the impression that even in a modern time where an African American man is our president, the wife is still referred to as the “Little lady”… BY ANOTHER WOMAN! A woman whose own resume consists of a failed reality show and a one hit wonder bag design she admittedly improved upon stole.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING MORON?!?!?

You make me sick. I would love to slap you silly for shit like this.

maryrambin:

TIE IT UP

Don’t over-think wearing scarves in ten different ways. Experiment. See what works and what doesn’t. Around your neck with corners of the same side, around your neck with opposite corners, either way you can tie it around your waist or let it hang, twisted around your neck, folded around your neck, as a belt, on your purse, as a headband, head scarf…the list goes on. Just do it!

Tonight, I tied mine over one shoulder and just tucked the rest into the skirt. So simple. And people went crazy when I told them how easy it was.

US:

Maybe they just thought it is crazy how easy YOU are.

Way to recommend something you have never tried.

maryrambin:

A LITTLE COLOR WOULDN’T KILL YA

When I look in my closet all I see is black, white, and gray. When I walk the streets of NYC, all I see is black, white, and gray. I blame my wardrobe on my recent vagabond lifestyle; black, white and gray clothes go with everything and travel well. I blame black for being too damn practical during the sludge months for sucking the life out of people’s outfits in the winter. (And I think some blame should be assigned to Carl Lagerfeld for making black too fabulous to refuse.)

But you know what, my new pink neon hat goes with everything too. It’s so loud and proud that people love it despite whether it matches. It makes me smile to put it on. What’s your color these days?

Photo Credit: Andrew Flavin (obviously I’m a huge fan of his too!)

US:

You might think you are “keeping it real” or something by not using spellcheck, but Mary a “style snob” should at LEAST make sure she is spelling DESIGNERS NAMES correctly.

KARL, dear. Not Carl.

*shakes head in pity*

maryrambin:

Leaving in a hurry from Houston, I forgot my favorite (and one of my only) bras! So I’ve trecked all the way downtown to Century 21 to pick up another Wonder Bra “Forever Smooth Push Up” bra. It’s not ridiculously padded, but it creates some serious cleavage. Of course they’re out of 34B, but I knew that would happen. I am pleasantly surprised to see the price marked down from $15.97 to $7.98. Score!

US:

This reeks of bull shit. First of all what “style snob” has one or two bras? Even the most basic wardrobe consists of at least one black, white, and flesh toned bra. From there, strapless, full coverage, padded, not padded, push-up, racerback… to accommodate the many different styles of clothes a “style snob” would wear. This is a fundamental staple to any well rounded woman’s wardrobe (let alone a self-appointed “style snob”), and is an area that should NOT be skimped on. Even a plain old t-shirt is more flattering with a well fitting and well shaped bra. That’s um: BASIC, Scary. You are quite familiar with “basics”, so you should know this already.

Second tell tale sign of bull shit? No way in hell you are a B cup. You really should get a professional fitting done. You are A all the way, dear. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Furthermore, this screams PRODUCT PLACEMENT! LOOK AT ME! I’m a commercial! How much do you want to make a bet this entire story about leaving behind her very favorite “Forever Smooth Push Up” WONDERBRA™ is nothing more than her taking the script they gave her and adding one or two (lies) sentences to make it appear authentic. Thinly veiled, Scary.

You girls are turning your site into one great big infomercial. This is all you guys post anymore. This is your “content”. This is your “lifecasting”. All things considered, you should take your own advice and “get a life”. This is what you are “working” so hard on all the time? Ah, I see. It all makes sense now. Poor, poor Mary.

Oh and… how is it a “score!”? You (supposedly) go running frantically to the store to buy your very specific favorite bra, which you just knew they wouldn’t have in your “size”. They didn’t have it. Score? If anything, bummer. It’s on sale and it’s the PERFECT bra, and you went all the way there… only to find the Wonderbra doesn’t come as a training bra.

Looks like THIS SITE should add Wonderbra to their list.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE:

Dear Mary,

When you started your blog, you touted it as a “style blog”. However this is the first actual style coverage you have done in quite some time. We’ve seen you flee home to mommy, we’ve seen a play by play of your free-ride yacht trip, we’ve seen your claws come out giving attitude to Julia, we’ve seen you make an ass out of yourself at CES… but no fashion. Now, you finally decide to do a post on the Golden Globes four days later. If you are going to post about an event like this that late, I would think you would put some real time into what you are writing, going a little further in depth than maybe the other blogs out there, adding a value to your posts. With 4 days to prepare for this kind of posting, I would expect to see not only your “critique” (if you could call it that) of what they are wearing, but who the designer and stylist was for each of the dresses and outfits you are talking about. Maybe a more in depth explanation for your lackadaisical commentary. Lazy. It isn’t just PR, you have to be good at what you do. And I’m sorry but this is hardly even mediocre.

maryrambin:

The dress might be lovely, but can you see anything other than that scary face?

Again, she’s such a pretty girl. Striking in fact. Why would someone do this to her?

It seems the stylists got together and decided they were going to show the world how much their choices actually influenced a celeb’s style. Influence would be an understatement in terms of the Globes. They dominated these poor bitches.

US:

4 days late on blogging this event, Mary, why did you even bother? All of us have seen red carpet coverage ad nauseam by now, and I seriously doubt you will have anything hysterically snarky or intelligently insightful to add to what the best have already said and we have already heard.

* lol @ her choice of the word “scary”

Snore. Looks like every tote ever made by anyone.

maryrambin:

Sexy Next Meeting Head to Toe:

• Absolutely no make up
• Huit Huit scarf
• Old Navy hoodie
• Theory tank
• Citizen skinny jeans
• Boots I’ve had for 3 years and have never known the brand

Hot, right?!

US:

WRONG! Those boots make me want to die. They weren’t “hot” thee years ago and they aren’t now.

Another boring plain and frumpy outfit that shows ZERO style, another fugly face.