Monday, January 26, 2009

So all the new readers (thanks to Mary!) know what this is REALLY about, I'm reposting the ever-popular:

Dear Mary,

I noticed one of your resolutions for the year is to be less bitchy and watch how you say things because you “snap”. Let Mama explain to you why people (ahem) seem to get such a negative response to that kind of behavior.

You see, the masses are allowed to blow off some steam and then be easily forgiven. We’re all human. But “celebrities” are expected to have a little more decorum. And isn’t that what you are trying to be? At least, a local one? Girl. People who get those kinds of perks, that level of pay, that level of recognition and respect… they have to have more than just their skill or talent (assuming you have either for arguments sake). They also have to be able to maintain the image of being cool, calm, collected, and unaffected. Gracefully handling negative criticism that they are guaranteed to experience repeatedly over the course of their careers. Right from the beginning.

It’s people who show that kind of elegance right from the start, usually, who get that big break. Anyone “new” is always a risk and someone new with a short fuse is just too much of a risk to count on.

Also, a touch of humility wouldn’t hurt. You are not entitled to anything. You act as if this blogging is a burden for you to bear like we should feel sorry for you for the choice you made. You are laying in the bed you made. For better or for worse, you knew what you were getting into, you continue to do it, and then you whine and cry about the flipside. No one feels sorry for you. No one is grateful for it, you aren’t saving lives. You are choosing to put yourself out there hoping to make money. With those kinds of intentions, you get these kinds of reactions. There is nothing genuine about you, nothing to root for. None of you are underdogs.

Let’s just all watch the already priviliged piece together a “business” and never really tell us about their lives at all… just where they go, what they buy, and what they are wearing when they do it. And then lets feel sorry for you when something personal you choose to post gets a negative response and be FINE with you telling your readers to “leave us alone” and “get a life”. Because the reality is, we are all readers. Myself included. You get the clicks because of us. And you then alienate us. Keep doing it and watch your numbers drop.

You’ve gone off or “snapped” as you call it so many times I can’t even remember every occasion. You are the definition of gauche.

Personally I don’t really hate you. I don’t really know you. But I hate what you stand for, I hate what you are an example of, and I resent you as a woman for making such a fool out of yourself in so many ways. Because of that, no I do not want you to succeed. No I don’t care if the things I say ever hurt your feelings. Because some of it is snarky but most of it is just true. And someone needs to say it. Seriously.

You girls talk about being strong women, and then blog about every cliche that’s been done to death. So it’s cheesy, not innovative. You are maintaining female sterotypes with your cliche’s. How do I explain this? It’s okay to like clothes, makeup, to talk about boys, to have PMS. But when you take your life into a public forum you are kind of taking on a responsibility to portray something with the message you are sending. And what you are portraying about women really upsets me. Because you act like that is ALL there is to your lives. “Deep thoughts” fall flat, they come off like we’re reading every young adult novel about a girl growing up and discovering herself for the first time. We’ve all kind of passed that and there are other, more progressive things going on in most of our lives.

I watched Julia’s interview where she talks about making “fuck you money” and it sounded to me like the only reason she wanted to go to HBS was so she could SAY she went to HBS. I’ve always had a soft spot for Julia for some reason, but that rubbed me the wrong way. If you were smart, knowing people watch these things you put out there, knowing how many, assume that someone from the school will see it. Great opportunity to say some insightful, thought out, respectable response other than wanting to be able to name drop. It’s one thing to be candid and quite another to dig your own grave.

I wanted to be able to root for your girls. When you all started off I too wanted to see 3 strong, dynamic, and unique women accomplish what they set out to. But you are making this just another fluff site to house advertising. Some advice?

The advertising is inevitable, but people won’t mind it if you deliver it in a way they respect. If you carry yourselves like people we would want to listen to, to emulate. If you want to be candid, and you want to empower women, why don’t you tell us what it cost you to start this up? Where you got the money from. How you are managing to support yourselves while it builds? Wherever it was it’s ok but tell young women out there what you are going through building your business so they are better prepared to build their own. How do you plan to monetize on this? Julia if you really wish there were more young entrepreneurs, that would be a way to instigate that. Give them the tools and realities, rather than make it seem like it’s all just “happening behind the scenes” when the answer is probably “I have no idea”. Talk about how scary THAT is. Talk about how you get through that. You know, real things that will actually matter to people.

And then maybe instead of talking about boys and lipgloss and ipods all the time like high school gossip queens, maybe you can talk about what’s going on in our world? Maybe you can tell us about charity organizations, places to volunteer, laws that women should be aware of that are being passed? Why not talk about impressive film, a wonderful unknown artist? If you must talk about relationships, why not talk about things like how to better communicate with your lover or how to feel good about yourself when times are tough?

Instead you communicate that having a husband is super important and “OMG the clock is TICKING!” and you promote stereotypes that are false and dated. We all burned our copy of “The Rules” a long time ago.

I just don’t feel like you are using the platform you have created in a genuine positive way. You all walked off the set of Clueless and made blogs, linked them together and “like totally talk about clothes and boys and cell phones and feelings”. Give me a break. Are you living in the real world? You say you live differently, but you’re showing that you are just every cliche that works against women in the first place.

It’s sad to think of what this could have been.

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